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(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2007|08:40 am]
[mood |creativecreative]

so... monday i'm going to be down in venice for a few days... let's go play!
give me a ring..707*799*9983.. it will be fabulous
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(no subject) [Apr. 16th, 2007|10:40 pm]
[mood |draineddrained]

it's been months since i have written anything..

i feel overwhelmed and worn, like i want to runaway and give up any of my commitments and responsibilities. i miss the early days of sobriety when everything was so new and exciting and i could just drink coffee, go to meetings, and enjoy the simple life. i'm barely skidding by in school right now and i feel like i want to do a geographic and pack up and go somewhere new. life has brought some very interesting experiences which i am going through with these raw feelings that i'd much rather doctor with something other than my spiritual practices. but i know that my higher power, if you will, doesn't give me more than i can handle, and definitely doesn't give me anything i can't get through. all though it feels that way most of the time, i know it's going to help me grow and change..

i'm at this place where i am unhappy and unsatisfied and when i look back on the times in my sobriety when i was the happiest it's when i was going to the gym frequently, taking better care of my body, having lots of fun and getting to know myself, i was working on the relationship with myself and i was traveling much more often. i have been adding yoga back into my life, and trying to strengthen my spiritual life and i can feel the change coming.

sometimes i wish i could go swimming in the sky.. i wish i could leave all my worries, struggles, and fears behind and just be up there where the beauty of the moon and stars shines through and lights up my world.
as i was sitting back in my hottub with my friends the other night, i looked up and just cried. cried about everything... sadness, fear, frustration, gratitude, anger, confusion, all these feelings came up and i wanted to get out of my skin and leave all that behind for a while. ha, if only that worked..

one of the things keeping me sane and semi together has been my artwork. i am so grateful i never let go of creating. it's my passion, my vice. it's been a year and a half since i've had a cigarette and the only thing i've got left is coffee. what a trip..

here are a few of my most recent creations...

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Four Years Ago Today... [Nov. 16th, 2006|07:32 am]
I took my last drink& drug. I can't believe it's already been four years, that's a fifth of my life. I'm so grateful for AA and what it has brought me... a brand new life.

On a different note, I have a persuasive speech due in a couple hours on why drug offenders should not receive prison time, but should be offered treatment.
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Picture Post, Because I can... [Nov. 2nd, 2006|10:39 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
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(no subject) [Oct. 20th, 2006|09:38 am]
Here I sit

In this nest

of isolation

from people,



I sit in this nest.

Learning each day,

what it means to be.

Just be.


it's what I am.


it's what I do.

Trying my best

to make some

sort of difference.

Not always succeeding,

but not always failing.

Trying to change

these dreams into realities.


and amazed

at the distance ahead,

I look down

at the feet beneath me,

and take a step,

and another one,

and another.

Nestled deep

in this feeling

without a name

just there.

Breathing slowly,

in and out,

catch and release.
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Power to the Peaceful [Sep. 13th, 2006|11:59 pm]
[mood |sleepysleepy]

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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2006|09:13 am]
[Current Location |mi casa]
[mood |geekystudious]
[music |the dryer doing it's job.]

So because everyone is posting their classes I feel so inclined to do so...

Lit/Comp- easy and right up my alley.

Cultural Anthro- so exciting!

World Geography- because I have not a clue...

Statistics- Please shoot me, oh lord.

Speech- my teacher rocks, in her syllabus one of her first rules is that we use gender neutral language in the classroom. She majored in queer studies. \

Also, Hannah Elizabeth Ruskin, you now live way close to me so we need to get together and go thrift store shopping in the city together. I miss you like whoa! Call me! let's party together.
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the first time I... [Aug. 15th, 2006|02:23 pm]
[Current Location |mi casa]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |metallica- holier than thou]

Fell in love: 19
Lost your virginity: 14
Lost someone close to you: a month before I turned 3
Drank alcohol: 3
Smoked: 7
Got your heart broken: when my dad died.
Got arrested: Never
Broken a bone: Never
Got cheated on: 14
Rode the city bus: 13
Went to a concert: 12
Met someone famous: 8 or 9
Dyed your hair: 12
Got your first cell phone: 13
Got a Myspace: 20
Snuck out of the house: 4
Got your own digital camera: 15
First time you got drunk: 4
Read Harry Potter: 14
Travelled across the ocean: 14
Wore a toga: 15
Travelled out of state/country: 2
Shopped at Abercrombie/M&S: Never
Went to Disney World: Never
Saw a Broadway/West End play: 10 or 11
How old are you now: 20
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picture post! [Jul. 27th, 2006|05:30 pm]
[mood |creativecreative]

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(no subject) [Jul. 27th, 2006|05:14 pm]
This summer has been highly enjoyable thus far...

i've been to the ER, had stitches. gone camping and jumped off 30 feet rocks into the water, hiked up to these all natural water slides, went to the russian river, gone to the ocean, gone to visit sam even though she didnt with visit me, made it to 3 and a half years of sobriety, strengthened my spiritual life and began living by some new principles which seem to be working swell.

i've met tons of people and through staying sober been able to help some people out in ways I never thought possible. it's amazing. i start school in about three and a half weeks and I need to start looking at schools to transfer to. I have never lived outside of Sonoma. I don't think I have the grades for a UC so I'm looking at state schools. I have about a year left at the JC, I sometimes beat myself up for not being further along, but then I forget that I went to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor and did that for a while.

My social circle keeps getting bigger and bigger, the longer I stay sober, the more events I go to, the more involved I get, it just gets better.

I was hoping to be able to go down to LA to visit my cousin, but I don't think that's going to happen.

I'm kind of in this wierd place as far as relationships go... i went through that break-up in march and let it go and now i have this boy who likes me and i kind of like him, but there's also this totally epic girl who likes me(and i like her) but she's afraid of what will happen to our friendship, which I understand but it's just lame.

they should start making bathing suits like....

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